Revaluating my life.....

Since the last race post....many things have happened/happening in my life. I have turned 38 and life seems to be upside down.

I have only ran twice since the race...2 miles on the Thursday after the race and I did 4 miles last Monday. I have tried to make time to run, but everything seems to have gotten in the way.

On my birthday, I took 1/2 day off from work to be with my family. I had lunch with my sister, she went to work. Then we sat in the camp and I listened to my mother on how bad Brian was the week that she had them. I cancelled Andy's Doctor's appointment to sit in my mother's camp. I asked if anyone wanted to go swimming and nobody did. Happy "F"ing Birthday.

All I seem to do is fight with Ron about the kids...the last time was me and my parents taking the kids to the Fair last Sunday. He did not want me to go....and we said some very choice words to each other. Good thing that the Kids were outside for that.

Then while at the Fair, my parents, the kids and I were going to a Nick (kids TV cable network) show that Andy wanted to see. My mother had the nerve to tell me I was stupid and I did not know were I was going. I told/yelled to her to leave me alone. I then tried to proceed to show her where I was going and she YELLED, so that everybody was looking at us, at me telling me to get away from her and not to treat her that way. I was just so mad. I took the kids to the show and I have not talked to/seen her since.

Teresa had to work the Fair for her Job so she help me, but at one point, the Kids and I did the Fair alone when she had to go to work. I spent all of my birthday money and the money I had for the week on them. Then, Ron had the nerve to get mad at me on Thursday when I did not have any money left to get the boy hair cuts and he had to give me $20.00.

To top it all off work sucks. I know that I don't want to be there anymore. But I also can just up and quit my job because I pay the mortgage, the health insurance, and the babysitter. Speaking of the babysitter, who I do care about, I still had to pay even though my kids were not there because my mom just had to take them to her house. Then when I call to see how the boys are, I get a report on how "bad" Brian is and an hour long distertation on how to correct it.

I just can't take it anymore. I have been running around trying to please everyone and all I do is get yelled at. Everybody knows that all I do is try to please everybody, but when I try I get "spit" in the face!! I can't take it anymore!!!

I know I just need to sort out my life....I just need to run more often. Find some "me" time...but that is getting just to hard!!!

Even this weekend, I'm trying to save "face" with Ron. We are going "camping" with the race team. Ron knows that I don't want to go, but I am. Ron only wants to go so "hang" out with everybody with the car and just drink till they pass out. Just what I want my Boys to see. They have an outhouse (fun, fun), and no running water. Even before that I have to take the boys to the races...Brian is already protesting this. Ron gets to work on the race car, while I sit in the stands with the Boys. So, I get to referee the boys while they fidget and pester each other......Just fun for me.

When is someone going to do something for me!!!